I'm a bit confused, Akinbiyi - this OGR Part 2 ISN'T the OGR Part 2 as requested; it looks just like a repeat of the first one; did you embed the wrong document? If so can you sort it?
Sorry, I added the extra things for the OGR to the old one and I didn't remove the Biographies, Premise, etc...I've changed it now. For the Creative Partnership, me and George have been talking on the blogs but we planned to present our Creative Partnership as a video, but due to time we still just have a lot of unedited clips; this is why I haven't updated the archive yet.
OGR 10/02/2013Evening Akinbiyi,Bit frustrated; you're not the only student do it, but I was rather expecting the OGR presentations to be a document in its own right, as opposed to empty envelope filled with links; the point about putting everything in single Scribd document is so I can scroll and view all required content in one post; anyway...So, I do have a couple of observations to make re. script and storyboard, as there are a few gaps in terms of the audience's knowledge of what's going on which you'll need to plug.Okay - in the first scene you've basically got a guy, whose occupation we don't know, apparently sitting in a darkened operating theatre listening to music... You know he's a brain surgeon. We don't. This first scene needs to have your surgeon operating on someone's brain while listening to the music, which relaxes him and helps him concentrate during surgery. If you don't actually show us his job, we don't understand any of his following behaviour. You need to re-visit this set up to convey maximum information to your audience. I'd suggest we need to see a guy on the table, his brain exposed, the surgeon working on it, while a nurse mops his brow; we hear the machines bleeping and we hear the soaring sound of a soprano, and we see your character listening. You can then show him all alone in the empty operating theatre listening to her - because this tells us now that he's alone/lonely too.The other gap in your script is the gay singer's identity; we're not actually shown that he's an opera-singer too, but the fact that he's outed in the newspaper means he must be a famous celebrity - only right now, we don't really know why he's in the newspaper, because in your script he's just her boyfriend (apparently). So, again, you're missing some set-up; why not, in the concert scene, begin with Dominik's solo just ending - we hear the applause, and then it's time for the female opera singer's solo; this tells us of Dominik's existence, and his profession - so when we next see him in the dressing room, we know exactly who he is.There's a suggestion too in your script that when the surgeon goes hunting for Domonik, he's somehow radically altered in terms of his behaviour - but I really don't think this is necessary; make him a klutz anyway; you risk confusing your audience if your surgeon suddenly has a personality transplant or body-language overhaul.In terms of your storyboard, I didn't always find it hugely easy to read - and it does seem too as if it's missing some important panels - particularly around the action sequences (the drinking of the brain scene feels like it should be a wonderful montage of shots, for example). In terms of your animatic, you're definitely going to need more panels to properly convey your story.Character design - all looking much more robust and communicative now :) Not too sure about your environments though - you appear to be struggling with your style a bit; I'd suggest keeping things really simple and 'cel shaded' in line with your influence maps.You've got a great little short here, Akinbiyi, but, yes, you've got some gaps in your story that you need to address; don't forget, you're making this for an audience who hasn't spent the last 5 weeks writing it; everything you need them to know in order to understand your narrative must be available to them via the information on the screen. They can't get it from anywhere else.